GRIMDOR - Green Smaug Pepper Sauce - 5oz Bottle

from Chimney Rocks Records

“My armor is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail is a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath death!"

Smaug continued, "My pepper sauce, on the other hand, is jalapeno peppers fresh from my garden which I roast with onions and garlic and blend to perfection.

I have created a sauce that is worthy of my greatness. It is a green sauce, the color of emeralds and jade, that sparkles in the light. It is a thick sauce, that coats my tongue and teeth, and makes me drool. It is a spicy sauce, that ignites my breath and throat, and makes me roar. It is a delicious sauce, that satisfies my hunger and thirst, and makes me happy.

I have used the finest ingredients for my sauce. I have grown the green jalapenos in my own garden, where I water them with my saliva and fertilize them with my dung. I have roasted them with some oil that I extracted from the fat of the men I ate. I have added some onion and garlic that I stole from the elves’ gardens and fields. I have seasoned them with some salt and raw sugar that I plundered from the dwarves’ mines and vaults.

I have blended them all together, until they formed a smooth and glossy mixture. I have tasted it and adjusted it to my liking. I have stored it in a jar that I made from the bones of the dragon-slayer Bard. I have hidden it in a secret chamber in the Lonely Mountain, where no one can find it or take it from me.

It is my sauce, and mine alone. It is my pride, and my joy. It is my treasure, and my power. It is my Green Jalapeno sauce, and it is perfect."

The recipe is from an ancient tome of the Old Dragons, and legend says that Smaug would never part with his precious green concoction, but we had to make an attempt. To taste what a Dragon tastes...a unique and exquisite flavor that is said to have never crossed the tongue of mortal man.

Having just scorched and plundered a nearby village, Smaug was in an uncharacteristically pleasant mood when we approached him in his lair under the Lonely Mountain with our proposition. Thirty bottles of Green Smaug for the Dragon-helm of Dor-lómin. Fashioned of steel and iron by the dwarven smith Telchar in the image of Glarung - The First of the Dragons and worn by the hero of the First Age Túrin, the dragon helm is a relic of power and beauty worthy of a treasure hoard of Smaug’s terrible greed. The great Wyrm considered the offer carefully and after a moment, plucked the great helmet from our hands. He waved his claw is the direction of a small cabinet which opened to reveal numerous small bottles filled with a silky green liquid.

“Take them and begone!” Smaug commanded as he placed the Dragon-helm atop his mountain of gold, keeping one watchful eye on the bottles as we placed them into our packs. Glancing to each other at our good fortune, we smiled amongst each other and bid farewell to the Dragon, knowing that we will finally get to taste what the Great Smaug tastes.

“Foolish humans!” we heard Smaug exclaim as we neared the exit of the great cavern. “Thirty bottles are but a single drop to me. Thirty bottles that are consumed in the blink of an eye among men. Enjoy your fleeting taste of my emerald perfection, a flavor which you will desire for the rest of your mortal days!”

Yes we were ready to finally taste what the dragon tastes…the Great Green Smaug Pepper Sauce!

At some point a few years back I sent some bottles of my homemade sauce to Grimdor, who I learned was a bit of a connoisseur of pepper sauces. I sent a few different styles and flavors over the years but I knew Grimdor usually preferred the green sauces. When he reached out to me and asked about doing a Grimdor themed pepper sauce, I jumped at the chance and planted a row of jalapeno peppers in the garden this past Spring just for this effort. I tended to the plants all summer making sure they were growing large and healthy. I used organic fertilizer and physical weed barriers rather than chemicals. I also used a time tested recipe that always produces an excellent pepper sauce, and these results were near perfection! I sent a test batch to Grimdor and after he granted his stamp of approval, I was able to fill thirty-three 5oz bottles from what I had harvested. Thirty-three bottles which are now offered here for your consumption.

Green Smaug Pepper Sauce is made from fresh green jalapeno peppers that I grew in my garden. The peppers were roasted with yellow onion and garlic and blended with apple cider vinegar, water, sugar, and salt to create a sauce with a balanced blend of flavor and heat. All natural. No Preservatives. I hope you enjoy eating it as much as I enjoyed making it.

- Scott

Ingredients: Roasted Green Jalapenos, Apple Cider Vinegar, Onion, Water, Garlic, Sugar, Salt.

Bottles are shipped in a 5" x 5" x 8" box with plenty of recyclable honeycomb padding for a safe arrival. Two bottles can ship in the same box for the same price if you decide to double up.